Today it has been three and a half years since I was forced to bear the title of Widow. I thought today would be a good day to share some of what I have learned from scripture about this role. I have written it in a form that I can use to encourage my widowed sisters in Christ; you can use it too. Encouragement for the new widow from a widow who has stood where you stand:
1) You probably feel at least somewhat abandoned and alone right now. You and your husband had become one flesh. Half of that union is now gone. The good news – One of the themes that exist through the whole Bible – God cares deeply for the orphans, the widows and the aliens. Just a few examples:
Exodus 22:22 – You must not mistreat any widow or fatherless child. If you do mistreat them, they will no doubt cry to Me, and I will certainly hear their cry. My anger will burn, and I will kill you with the sword; then your wives will be widows and your children fatherless.
Deuteronomy 27:19 – The one who denies justice to a foreigner, a fatherless child, or a widow is cursed. And all the people will say, ‘Amen!
Psalm 68:5 – God in His holy dwelling is a father of the fatherless and a champion of widows.
Psalms 146:9 – The LORD protects foreigners and helps the fatherless and the widow, but He frustrates the ways of the wicked.
Luke 20:46-47 – “Beware of the scribes, who want to go around in long robes and who love greetings in the marketplaces, the front seats in the synagogues, and the places of honor at banquets. They devour widows’ houses and say long prayers just for show. These will receive greater punishment.”
1 Timothy 5:3-8 – Support widows who are genuinely widows. But if any widow has children or grandchildren, they must learn to practice godliness toward their own family first and to repay their parents, for this pleases God. The real widow, left all alone, has put her hope in God and continues night and day in her petitions and prayers; however, she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives. Command this also, so they won’t be blamed. But if anyone does not provide for his own, that is his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
James 1:27 – Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world.
2) You may feel broken from this loss. Can God even use you now? God has used Widows to further His Kingdom and His purposes throughout both the Old and New Testaments. You ARE still useful to God.
1 King 17:8-16 – Then the word of the LORD came to him: “Get up, go to Zarephathi that belongs to Sidon and stay there. Look, I have commanded a woman who is a widow to provide for you there.” So Elijah got up and went to Zarephath. When he arrived at the city gate, there was a widow woman gathering wood. Elijah called to her and said, “Please bring me a little water in a cup and let me drink.” As she went to get it, he called to her and said, “Please bring me a piece of bread in your hand.”
But she said, “As the LORD your God lives, I don’t have anything baked — only a handful of flour in the jar and a bit of oil in the jug. Just now, I am gathering a couple of sticks in order to go prepare it for myself and my son, so we can eat it and die.”
Then Elijah said to her, “Don’t be afraid; go and do as you have said. But first make me a small loaf from it and bring it out to me. Afterward, you may make some for yourself and your son, for this is what the LORD God of Israel says, ‘The flour jar will not become empty and the oil jug will not run dry until the day the LORD sends rain on the surface of the land.”
So she proceeded to do according to the word of Elijah. Then the woman, Elijah, and her household ate for many days. The flour jar did not become empty, and the oil jug did not run dry, according to the word of the LORD He had spoken through Elijah.
Luke 2:36-38 – There was also a prophetess, Anna, a daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was well along in years, having lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, and was a widow for 84 years. She did not leave the temple complex, serving God night and day with fasting and prayers. At that very moment, she came up and began to thank God and to speak about Him to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem.
The Book of Ruth
3) You have less time and money now. Your husband’s income is gone and now you need to take care of everything you did and everything he did. You have a lot on your plate. God only wants you to offer up what you do have.
Mark 12:41-44 – Sitting across from the temple treasury, He watched how the crowd dropped money into the treasury. Many rich people were putting in large sums. And a poor widow came and dropped in two tiny coins worth very little. Summoning His disciples, He said to them, “I assure you: This poor widow has put in more than all those giving to the temple treasury. For they all gave out of their surplus, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she possessed — all she had to live on.”
Luke 21:1-4 – He looked up and saw the rich dropping their offerings into the temple treasury. He also saw a poor widow dropping in two tiny coins, “I tell you the truth,” He said. “This poor widow has put in more than all of them. For all these people have put in gifts out of their surplus, but she out of her poverty has put in all she had to live on.”
4) It will come up. I remember well meaning family and friends telling me within a month of my husband’s funeral that my husband would not want me to be alone. Should you remarry? More great news – it is 100% your choice. Biblically, it is your choice and both options are supported.
1 Corinthians 7:8-9 – I say to the unmarried and to widows: It is good for them if they remain as I am. But if they do not have self-control, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with desire.
1 Corinthians 7:39-40 – A wife is bound as long as her husband is living. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to anyone she wants — only in the Lord. But she is happier if she remains as she is, in my opinion. And I think that I also have the Spirit of God.
1 Timothy 5:14-15 – Therefore, I want younger women to marry, have children, manage their households, and give the adversary no opportunity to accuse us. For some have already turned away to follow Satan.
And I will end with a few quotes that I have found helpful –
• “Where there is deep grief, there was great love” – unknown
• “No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear.” – C.S Lewis
• “Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.” – Earl Grollman
• “Grief can’t be shared. Everyone carries it alone; his own burden in his own way.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh
• “Grief is the price we pay for love.” – Queen Elizabeth II
• “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” – Dr. Seuss
God Provides Grace and Humor 