Overtired and Overextended

I should start with an explanation; it has been nine months since I have written anything. I will start with – I got off track. I got busy and, maybe, not in a good way. Maybe you are on this same path and don’t realize it yet; it took me 9 months and a lot of grace to figure it out. So, here is my path back to my calling and focus.

As often happens, after being a spousal caregiver and then entering the role of widow, I developed immune system issues. It turns out that immune system issues and other health problems are very common in this situation. For the past year I have been dealing with new auto-immune issues. Issues that should have slowed me down so my body could heal. But I had things to do, things I am passionate about. When I was diagnosed, I was doing volunteer work with a few groups that support Veterans’ Issues/Needs. I was doing volunteer work with a Women’s group – women supporting women. I was serving in several capacities at church. I was continuing my passion for writing, both this blog and the Facebook page for my book, and using these to reach out to other widows. As a widow, I was the only bread winner in my household, so I was working full time, in a job that suddenly nose-dived into a horrible stress situation at about the same time. I was also a Seminary Student. I was doing good things… a LOT of good things. What could I walk away from? I had no time to be sick; my body would just have to suck it up and keep up.

I prayed. I prayed a lot. “God, I am so tired! Help me!” “God, look at all that I am doing. Why is everything so hard? I am trying to do what You want me to do.” “God, I am exhausted. Please, please heal my body. I have so much to do.”

During the Fall Semester of 2018, I had a few technical issues with my computer that caused me to get behind in one of my two classes. I was talking to my Professor about getting caught up. The trouble was I had a set window of time for class activities. My calendar was very full and very organized. I was booked from 7:00 AM to 11:00PM Monday through Saturday. I even figured out how to get all of my class reading done by making use of the 2.5 hours of “lunch” time during the work week; I could read and eat during that daily 30 minutes. On Sundays I served at church early, then attended Service, had lunch with my parents and then some family time. On Sunday nights I tried to just chill a bit and either knit, sew or read for pleasure for a few hours. My Professor was concerned, not about my course work or grade, but about my physical and mental health. She asked me to read a book titled Margins, published by NavPress, by Richard A. Swenson. (A great book; I recommend it.)

The other book that was recommended during that time was The Best Yes, published by Thomas Nelson, by Lisa Terkeurst. I bought it, but never had a break to read it.

I graduated from South Eastern Baptist Theological Seminary’s Biblical Women’s Institute with a Diploma in Women’s Ministry on May 7th 2019. Now I would have more time, right?

Four weeks ago, exhausted and sick for the previous 4 weeks due to a flare-up, I had a dream. It was an odd dream and I didn’t get it at first. I dreamt that I was standing before the Lord. He pulled out a 4-inch binder and started flipping through it. He looked back at me and said, “Wow! You have been doing a lot. It isn’t that any of it is bad stuff. It’s just too bad that it is not what I have appointed for you to do.” And then I woke up.

Two weeks ago, I was finally too sick and exhausted to go to work or do anything else. I had been to Urgent Care about 10 days before and started some meds, but it was no longer enough. I slept most of the day, and I read a little bit. I grabbed The Best Yes and read the first few chapters. And then I started to get it. If you are exhausted and overextended, I recommend this book for you as well.

I made time to read the rest of it. There are infinite demands on our time, demands to do good things, honorable things, God-glorifying things. As women we have been taught that saying “No.” to any request is ungodly; it is selfish. But if we say “Yes!” to everything that needs to be done, everything that we are requested to do, then we won’t have the strength or time or ability to do the things that we are called to do. We won’t be able to do – or at least do well – the tasks that God would have us do. By figuring out how to determine our “Best Yes” we can be free to say “No” to tasks that would distract from our individual unique calling. We can also learn how to make rest and recharging a priority – by creating Margins in our life. (Remember the first book I mentioned?)

So, I am back and more dedicated and passionate than ever. And I challenge you to analyze your physical and spiritual health. Are you overtired and overextended? Maybe you should read these 2 books that helped me. At a minimum, prayerfully analyze your calendar and commitments. Also, pay attention to your prayers. Did you hear anything in mine? Scroll back and read them again. I was asking God to help me continue in my strength and my good works. I wasn’t asking God which of all these things He would have me continue and which things I needed to give up. I wasn’t surrendering to God for guidance on how I should spend my time, energy and talents. Are you? If not, you still can!! What is your “Best Yes”? Is that getting your best effort and attention?