We are all aware of the concept of “firsts”. We go through our first day of school, first day on a new job, first car, first love. We readily celebrate a lot of “firsts” in our lifetime. If you have ever lost someone very close to you to a terminal illness, you become very aware of the concept of “lasts” as well. During Taylor’s Cancer Journey, we were keenly aware of what would be our last Anniversary, last Thanksgiving, last Christmas, etc. together.
Then as a widow, I was introduced to the concept of “second firsts”. For example, many years ago Taylor and I had shared our first Christmas together as a married couple. Two weeks after his death, I experienced my first Christmas without him. My second-first Christmas, then New Year’s Eve, Anniversary, etc.
Over the past few months I have sold “our” house. I tried for many months to make it “my” house again, but I couldn’t make it happen. So, after 22 years in the same home, the last 5 without Taylor, I made the agonizing decision to sell the house and have a new house built. This would be Relaunch 2020. During this process of preparing, staging, showing and selling the house, I became very aware of all of the firsts and lasts again. My first time selling a home. This weekend was my last night sleeping in what had been my bedroom for over 22 years. Soon will come my first night sleeping in my new house.
So, does life boil down to just a series of firsts and lasts? Even in the grand scheme of things? We start life with our first breath and end life with our last breath. We take our first steps. Unless we experience a sudden death, we also notice our last steps. We have the first day of kindergarten and our last day of high school. Our first day of employment and our last day of work before retirement.
Not all firsts are good and not all lasts are bad. They are each just the bookends that frame the chapters, the books, the volumes of our life. They are each a part of the unique experience that makes each of us who we are in this life. Maybe one of the blessings of going through Taylor’s Cancer Journey with him is a greater awareness of, and also a greater appreciation of, both the firsts and lasts of this life. For that I am grateful.
God Provides Grace and Humor 