You probably have a similar story of how/when you started to neglect Self-Care after your loss; I will share how the decline of self-care started for me. I had a personal care routine, a very regimented one. I showered every morning – seven days a week – and did my hair. I had one of those three step facial care sets that I had used for years – wash, toner, and moisturizer – twice a day. I had the weekly or less products too – microdermabrasion, eye treatment, etc. I invested time and money in my personal appearance, daily.
Then it happened, my husband got sick. The day he was diagnosed was the start of 10 consecutive days in the hospital. I slept in a recliner the first night. The next day someone brought me a change of clothes – I was still wearing a skirt, cowlneck sweater and high heel dress boots. I had gone to the hospital directly from work that first day. I wore that change of clothes – sweatpants and t-shirt – day and night for the next 5 days, now sleeping on a cot in the hospital room. On day 2, someone working on the Oncology floor at the hospital brought me a toothbrush, a tiny tube of toothpaste, a tiny bar of face soap and a washcloth; I was grateful. On day 5 that week, I left Taylor at the hospital for the afternoon and went home, showered, and changed clothes. I met with family that night to share with them the diagnosis of Terminal Cancer. My hair was washed and combed, and my face and body had been washed, but that was all. I barely had the energy or motivation to do that – no way I was completing a multi-step beauty routine that afternoon.
Life did not calm down from that week for months… or to be honest, for years. All of my attention turned toward my dying husband and our family. There was little time for anything else. After Taylor died, nine months later, I remember throwing away the now expired bottles, jars, and bars. I would buy new product soon, I promised myself. But why? The person that I desired to be beautiful for was gone. I had lived nine months without using any personal care products beyond shampoo and bar soap, why spend the money – which was now significantly more limited – on something I could clearly live without.
I am now 6 years and 6 weeks out from that initial trip to the hospital. Only when COVID-19 hit, and I was told by my doctors to “shelter-in-place”, did I finally slow down. On March 11th, 2020, the pause button for my life was pressed. I had not quit moving at all during all of these past years. (The next article addresses that.) Staying insanely busy became my coping mechanism. And yet, not always busy with the productive things that matter – my health or even my personal care routine. In fact, I was sequestered to my house because I have developed medical issues that come from chronic stress, chronic dehydration, and general lack of self-care. Nothing like being stuck in your own presence to slow you down.
So, one thing that has come out of COVID-19 for me, is restarting a personal care regiment. With help from my niece, we were able to find and buy products online and have them shipped to my home. I had time to reestablish these habits. But why did I, and why should you, take the time and energy to care for my body this way? If you, too, have dropped your body respecting self-care, why should you restart it?
- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 – Don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought at a price. So, glorify God with your body.
This section of scripture specifically addresses not engaging your body in immoral activities, which is another thing that widows and widowers need to concern themselves with. But that aside, there are other ramifications of staying aware of the fact that the very Spirit of God inhabits our body. That alone should drive us to take an appropriate level of care of our bodies. To be clear, I am not talking about taking personal care to the level of vanity. Respecting your body and taking care of it does not have to elevate to a level of narcissism. At this moment in time, I would argue that not taking care of our God-given body is equally as wrong as rising to vanity. This is the body that God has known from the time of my conception; the body that God Himself knit in my mother’s womb.
- Psalm 139:13-15 – For it was You who created my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will praise you because I have been remarkably and wondrously made. Your works are wonderous, and I know this very well. My bones were not hidden from you when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth.
God knit together my body with His own hand. I am “remarkably and wondrously made”. What level of care and compassion should I expend on this structure that God formed? How much time and energy should I be willing to expend on its upkeep? I am God’s workmanship.
- Ephesians 2:10 – For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do.
I am God’s personal workmanship. I was not thrown together from spare parts or left-over items. I was designed. I was created. And not just created, but created for the good works that God prepared for me to do. You can not pour from an empty vessel. I need to be in good shape – physically and spiritually – in order to complete all that God has prepared for me to do.
So, are you taking an appropriate level of care of yourself? Are you completing the basic maintenance activities that your body needs to be fruitful in this fallen world? Are you eating fruits and vegetable and healthy food? Are you caring for your outward appearance and also your inward – spiritual – self? If not, why not? You deserve it and more importantly God deserves it. He deserves and expects us to take care of His creation. Do it for Him, and also for you. I think, for some of us, when we became widows, we lost some of our self-worth. As a child of God, as His creation, you are worthy. You can be beautiful inside and out.
God Provides Grace and Humor 